Moving and the wonderful place I call "U-haul"

My roommate Brandon Giorgio Smith and I moved into our new place a couple of weeks ago with the aid of Andrew Zuber, my partner in comedy. He pleasantly surprised me with a phone call that morning.

J.J: "Hello!"

Andrew: "Hey Thunder Cunt, you moving today?"

J.J.: "Yes kind sir, would you like to help?"

Andrew: "No, but how much are you gonna pay me?"

J.J.: "Well, I can feed you pizza...unless you want this $20 bill in my pocket that I was going to donate to the local Salvation Army."

Andrew: "The Salvation Army doesn't need your money. They get enough selling your old clothes...Hey! Why don't we take all this stuff to the Salvation Army and get some money for blow?"

J.J.: "Andrew, you know that I don't do anything illegal like drugs. Why would you think of selling my possessions for such a thing? At least give it to the kids...The KIDS man, you have to think about the KIDS."

Andrew: "Fuck that...I'll be over in ten."

When Andrew arrived, we proceeded to take a full sized couch up 3 flights of stairs along with a refrigerator, a love seat, a television and half a dozen dead hookers...you know, for sentimental value. This took most of the afternoon and we finished around 6:30p.m. While feeling like one of the hookers, we had just enough time to take the truck back to the U-haul.

Do you find it funny that when you show up to a U-haul, a gang of Mexicans will surround the car like people at the New York Stock exchange? They raise their hands asking how many, how much? How do you know which one to pick? The choices are endless. Do I pick the skinny one that can barely hold up that burrito? Or do I pick that big fat guy who looks like he can pick up 50 burritos? I have to hand it to them. They do respect your decision after the third time you say "No Thank you. I'm good."

Do you find it even stranger that when you come back to the U-haul they don't swarm the truck? Why not show me attention now? What if I came back to give them all a job? What if I had driven back with a box full of ice cream and food to give to their families, but the only stipulation was that they needed to show me some attention when I drove the truck into the lot? I guess they will never know what it feels like to have so much ice cream that it causes a brain freeze just by standing next to it.