As Internet celebrities, J.J. and I are often asked ridiculous questions by fans, the press, our parents, police officers, members of the clergy, and so on. While we do our best to respond to every email, phone call and strange inquiry, it can be a bit taxing at times. That said, we thought it would be a good idea to clear up the answers to some of the most frequently asked questions.
What made you decide to start a podcast?
We realized our conversations were humorous, and thought it would be a good thing for the children of the world to be able to hear them on a daily basis. It branched out from there and now it's going too fast to stop it or jump off, so we're stuck doing this stupid thing until one of us dies.
Do you fight as much in real life as you do on the show?
We disagree on pretty much everything except the music of AC/DC and the awesomeness that is sushi.
How much of the show is real and how much is made up for our entertainment?
You think we would lie to you? Why would you even say that? Okay, some of it is made up, but for the most part it's the real deal. Sadly, the way we talk on the show is the way we talk in real life. That includes the stupid subject matter and the witty banter. What can we say? We're naturals.
What's your biggest fear in life?
Andrew - Being without J.J.
J.J. - Never finding true love.
Andrew - Are you saying you haven't found true love?
J.J. - Maybe.
Andrew - What...what about me?
J.J. - What about you?
Andrew - Forget it. Never mind.
J.J. - Are you mad now?
Andrew - If you don't know I'm not going to tell you.
J.J. - You sound like a woman.
Andrew - You're sleeping on the sofa tonight.
Who is Hobbes and why is his bell always in the background?
Hobbes is our executive producer. The bell is his cell phone, which is constantly ringing. He pretty much runs the whole show. He wanted to be included in the Q&A but he's in New York meeting with his book agent at the moment. Howard Stern wanted to get him for his show, but Hobbes' fee was too high. The only reason we got him is he was on board with the concept of the show from day one and he brought in a lot of great contacts and industry experience. Also we give him tuna.
Have you guys ever had stalkers like Britney Spears?
No, Britney Spears has never stalked us. J.J. almost hung out in her bed once though. True story.
How do you come up with ideas for the podcast?
Los Angeles offers enough to talk about without every having to branch out, so we never run out of ideas. If we don't have anything solid to discuss, we'll just wing it and have a discussion about nothing. For some reason, winging it seems to produce the best results, much to the dismay of Hobbes.
Can I submit an idea for your show?
Are you saying you don't think we can handle this on our own? Because we can. We've got it covered. If we wanted your advice, we'd ask for it. If you think you're so full of good ideas, why don't you go start your own podcast and leave us alone? OR you can send us an email and we'll seriously consider it before overwhelmingly rejecting it.
Can I be a guest on your show?
I will answer your question with a question. Are you hot? If the answer is "absolutely!" then yes, of course you can be a guest. If the answer is "I'd have lots of interesting things to talk about," then you are not hot and therefore we don't have the space for you at this time. If the answer is "I'm beautiful on the inside" or "my mother thinks I'm hot" or "what difference does that make?" then you're barking up the wrong tree, and you're barking because you are clearly a dog.
Who performs the theme song for the show?
That's J.J.'s roommate, Brandon. He's white.
Will you send me an autographed picture?
Simply email us your credit card number and we'll take care of the rest! We don't even need your address - we're just that good.
Do you offer tours of your studio?
You can come over and hang out in the office I guess. It's not that exciting unless you like green walls, sound boards, microphones, multiple computer monitors, pictures of celebrities on the walls...okay, it's an amazing place and magic is created here. We'd let you sit in while we record, but we can't take the risk for insurance* purposes.
*We don't have any.
Do you do anything besides the podcast?
Well obviously there's a web site since you're on it. We also produce video content for the site when we feel something will come across better visually. One prime example is our adventuresome trip through England and Scotland, which left us with six hours of footage to edit.
When will we see that footage anyway?
When the time is right and not a minute sooner, so stop bugging me about it.
I'm trying to break into "the business" and would love to learn all there is to know by interning on your show - how do I do that?
You email us at andrewandjj@gmail.com and tell us why you would make an excellent asset to our team. You tell us how good you are at making runs to Starbucks and Taco Bell, you describe what you could add to our team, you lay out your plans for an economic stimulus package, and last but not least, you describe the best way to fight vampires, ghosts and zombies in a cost-effective manner. You do all of these things, and we will consider you. If you're lucky, our intern will write back to you with our response. Unfortunately we don't have an intern, so if you can reply to yourself it would save everyone a lot of confusion.
I know you did shows from England; will you be podcasting from my hometown soon?
No.
But you don't even know where I live?
It doesn't matter. You know that sign that hangs in expensive stores that says "If you have to ask, you can't afford it?" That's how we feel about you and your stupid town.
That wasn't a very nice thing to say.
Hollywood does that to you. Get over it.
My son/daughter/niece/nephew/hamster is turning five next month. Can you make a personal celebrity appearance at his/her/it's birthday party?
Of course, we'd be happy to! It would be an honor to help you celebrate such an important occasion in the life of your loved one.
Really?
Hahahaha! No.
Do you have hobbies outside of work?
I do magic and stand up comedy, fly planes and play drums in a band called Klum. J.J. plays poker, enjoys hiking and plays the bass. Our biggest hobby is each other. If he tells you otherwise he's a dirty liar.
The tomato plants in my yard are dying. Is there a way I can revive them?
If the soil is moist and the leaves are turning yellow, cut back on your watering. Aerating the soil will help get oxygen to the plant. A dose of Terracycle, a spray-on plant food available at Wal Mart, will also bring some life back into the leaves. Remember - feeding and watering should be done in moderation to ensure nice, ripe tomatoes.
What's in the future for the show?
Hopefully a world tour (minus your town) and a reality show. Either that or large doses of heavy drugs and daily shows from a rehab facility in Utah.
How come with all of your connections in the entertainment industry, you haven't had any A-List celebrities as guests on the show?
Well, that's all the time we have for today. Keep those questions coming and we'll get to them whenever our intern shows up to take care of it!
acting credits, and *
