Ten Things to Become Famous

Many people ask me "J.J., how do you become famous?" And I tell them frankly, there are 10 steps to becoming famous. Yes 10, only ten.

10. Have a mental attitude that you are going to be famous. If you don't believe it, it won't happen.


9. Facebook everyone you meet. It helps. Not only does it show that you are friendly, but that people will go out of their way to click "confirm."


8. Learn a skill that has nothing to do with you being famous. If you want to be an actor learn how to sew or become a teacher. This will help when you drop out of the limelight.


7. Decide to dedicate your time as a famous person to a charity or cause. Join a group that spares the life of field mice from the slaughter of the American Bald Eagle.
This not only shows that you are caring for animals, but it leads us to step 6.


6. Do something or say something about not liking America. It works. Its free publicity from news stations and magazines. "What do you mean, J.J. doesn't like America? I have to buy his next book/see his next movie/listen to his podcast."


5. Get a drug addiction. Many if not all famous people have been on a drug of some kind. Coke and Pot are just starters. Try Valium or Oxycontin. Rush Limbaugh loves the shit and look at him. FAMOUS.



4. Break said drug habit. Do it with 12 steps...or 10 if you like ten. Buy Self-help books, go to conferences, stop using, and recover. Trust me, this will help you in not only being famous, but it will allow the press to do old stories on you. For example, "See how J.J. is off drugs and living a clean life. Remember him two years ago when he was a mess?" Then they do a 4 part mini series on your life.



3. Sell all your possessions and become homeless. You hear so many times that there was one person that "made it" after not being in possession of a roof and four walls.


2. Do something amazing in your life that allows everyone to know about it. Get bit by a shark, get a role on a television show, break the land speed record on a tricycle.


1. Stop referring to yourself as a human being and say that you believe in a higher life form that is coming back someday to take us all home. Perhaps his name could be Xenu.