We're Grounded, Captain

In an effort to relive my glory days, I have decided to dive into the journal I used to write on my computer and share some of the more memorable entries from the past. This one comes from June 28, 2006 and I believe it to be a real winner. If this doesn't inspire you to do great things, then nothing ever will. You're welcome.
-Andrew

It's currently 800 degrees in the sunny town of San Fernando, California. The dog melted hours ago and I just grilled a steak on the sidewalk. Across the street, little Mexican children are sitting in a plastic pool filled with boiling hot water that was in the freezer just five minutes ago.

In other news, I am faced with a MAJOR dilemma, seeing as how I am trapped inside while the trees in the front yard spontaneously combust. What's the dilemma, you ask? Well allow me to elaborate.
I bought Legos at Toys R Us. No, not when I was seven. This happened like three days ago. Because I fly planes, I needed an airport. Well they had one. I also may have purchased an airport fire truck because I don't have insurance and if a plane crashes into the entertainment center and bursts into flames, I need to be prepared.
Anyway - hey, stop laughing.
Anyway, I already had a much larger plane that I bought at Target some months back. Now my airport came with a slightly smaller plane. Let's say the big jet was a 737. The new jet was like a 707, or maybe a Gulfstream even. One of those nice business jets that rock stars and company CEOs and Mickey Mouse flies in. Me, being the visionary that I am, decided that it would be cost-effective if my Lego citizens could all fly on the same plane. Less fuel, less delays at the terminal, and so on and so forth. Maybe even create a little more leg room. Who knows?
So I embarked on one of the most massive engineering projects ever conceived in my living room. I decided to join the two planes together. This involved quite a lot of planning and Mountain Dew. The goal was to take the front and tail sections off of the smaller jet, open up the larger one in the middle, and insert the smaller section into the fuselage, thereby creating a super massive jumbo jet.
Well this all looked good on paper until I dove in and realized that I wasn't going to have the right sized pieces to complete the project. My initial concern had been how to support the tail section of the plane, which sits nearly six inches from the wheels. Would it hold? Would it be air-worthy? Would a fat Lego man cause it to break off in mid-flight, sending him plunging to his untimely death 3 foot below? As I worked, I put braces in so as to strenghten the entire body of the plane. By the time I had the base finished, this baby was massive. It was the Hummer of air transportation, the Titanic of flight, the Star Jones of mammoth aircraft. Well, Star Jones pre-surgery. Did you hear she's leaving the view? OMG. The feud between her and Barbara Walters makes me soooo sad. Anyway, separate blog.
So I sat on the floor, cross braces and windown pieces strewn about, the failed shell of an aircraft sitting in the middle. After much thought and consideration, I determined that the most logical course of action would be to re-assemble each aircraft.

Therein lies the problem. 'Cause I don't know how.

So I may be unreachable for the next few days as I work to mend Lego Land's crippled transportation system in anticipation of the upcoming holiday weekend.

Yeah, I'm 24. I don't wanna talk about it.