By Nadav Itzkowitz I found out today that Andrew & J.J. do not call exterminators… they call their intern. They went to London for some festival or other and left me with what they claimed was a simple task: make the apartment free of rats.
I did what any intern would do with eight dollars in his pocket. I acquired a myriad of cats from a certain cat lady, and a bottle of sleeping pills from my local drug store.
Phase One: empty out the bottle of sleeping pills all over the floor of Andrew and J.J.’s apartment. I’m sure I don’t need to explain this, but I was planning to put the mice to sleep as a courtesy to the cats, so it would be easier for them to catch some dinner.
NOTE: Don’t try to make something “easier” for cats. You’ll end up fucking yourself over.
I woke up to a terrible smell… semi dead, semi sleeping rats. I immediately initiated
Phase Two: I ran to the closet, where I kept the garbage bag full of cats I found, and let them at it. I decided to go have some breakfast at the Dunkin Doughnuts down the street while the cats took care of business.
At this point, I cannot stress enough to anyone and everyone not to trust stray cats.
With that said, I came back to a room smeared with blood, not a whole mouse in sight, but tons of cats (more than I brought into the apartment) that overdosed on mice that overdosed on sleeping pills. Needless to say, I had a lot of cleaning up to do and a lot of cats to figure out how to dispose of. And in case anyone was wondering, a dumpster works fine.
So now the apartment is wiped clean of living rodents, cats, pests, etc., but there were definitely signs of a struggle all over the place; namely all the blood. So now I’m left with blood stains that I need to figure out how to get rid of.
The results of my Google search suggested a number of things… Long story short: slugs don’t clean bloodstains and are pretty hard to get rid of.
***No cats you cared about were harmed in the making of this blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment