It occurred to me this morning as I drove to El Segundo (just a five-minute pogo stick trip from LAX) that I was going into a situation that might be a bit out of my realm. Having been gainfully unemployed for what feels like a lifetime (it's been seven hours) I reluctantly applied to a video game company in hopes of becoming a "Game Tester." The position involves playing video games for eight hours a day, searching for "bugs" and recording them on a "computer." Sounds simple, yeah?
As it turns out, I am not much of a gamer. I play Flight Simulator at times to feed my flying obsession; in times like these it's cheaper to pretend to fly than to drive to Van Nuys for a plane, rent it, gas it, get in it, fly it, land it, park it, cover it, leave it, and drive home. The nice thing about Flight Simulator is there are no aliens or Russians out to kill me with any number of different weapons, including but not limited to chain saws, swords, rocket launchers and Jewish-mother-guilt-trips. It's just good 'ol fashioned fun.
I discovered that this is not the ideal situation for most game players. Living in Los Angeles, one would think we have enough to deal with: earthquakes, fires, floods, mud slides, shootings, stabbings, muggings, undercover cops posing as prostitutes, and so on. The avid video game fan in L.A. wants more. They want to blow things up, burn things down and spar with alien life forms. (I assumed the last one referred to a game along the lines of Boarder Patrol: Maximum Punishment where you slaughter as many illegal immigrants and their children/pets as possible while they scale a fence or ford a river in the dead of night; it turns out no such game exists. Yet.)
That said, walking into the interview I discovered a group consisting of 12 nerds and me. Okay, fine, 13 nerds. We were led into a computer lab and placed in front of our individual XBOX 360 consoles, which I am told is some sort of gaming system-type thing. Then the fun began.
"This is a writing job," the moderator said. "We need you to be able to communicate well." I glanced around the room - everyone was still awake. We were all still on even playing ground. How to get ahead of the competition? I would soon find out.
"Your first task will be to write a description for me of how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You have 15 minutes. You may begin."
Sweet! I used to be a chef. This would be simple. So I quickly wrote my description down - being finished first is always a sign of strength in the workplace. It read as follows:
I would make my housekeeper do it. It's her job and delegating responsibility is the only way to get ahead, and I'm not paying her to sit on the couch and watch Maury Povich all day.
I waited for 14 minutes while the rest of the group labored through their answers, none of which I am sure were up to par with my fantastic response.
Next came the real test - playing a game. We were given instructions on how to spend the next hour searching for bugs in Quantum of Solace, which I believe was the sequel of To Kill A Mockingbird. I saw almost no relevance between the two and quickly reported that the game was seriously flawed. I don't remember many shoot-outs on German military bases in To Kill A Mockingbird, but I'm no programmer. I'm just a dude.
I went through each level, growing ever-more confident of my choice to withdraw from British Spy classes at Los Angeles Community College. I was shot so many times in the hour I played, I actually started to feel a piece of my soul die near the 45-minute mark. I reported each death as a "bug." Clearly the intent is for this James Bond character to live.
Our time finished; I shut down my console and turned in my pages of notes detailing the many flaws of the game, not the least of which is that Bond's belt didn't match his shoes in the airport level, a fashion choice I can't imagine he would make. Overall, I feel good about the entire process. Though I was never asked any of the typical interview questions, i.e. "what makes you think you'd be good at this job?" or "how did you get into my office?" I feel as though my personality and determination were on display for the higher-ups at the game company to see, and I can imagine it's only a matter of time before Los Angeles has one less unemployed individual - the guy sitting next to me. He had fantastic hair.
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