Swapping Seasons for Uncertainty

Andrew here. It's a common fact that Los Angeles has more annual days of sunshine than that of the actual sun. People come to this place to sit on the beach in December, to celebrate Thanksgiving in the back yard, to cook pancakes on the sidewalk in July. We're not really into "rain" here. In fact, the city features no storm drains, therefore on the rare occasion when water somehow falls from the sky here, it simply collects in the middle of the street and wreaks havoc among the inexperienced drivers who speed through these miniature lakes and fishtail into Mexican supermarkets, sending tortillas and small children flying in all directions.

It sounds like a horrible scene, but it's one that rarely plays out due to the glorious weather our fairy city provides 364 days a year. The rest of the country is envious; while motorists on the east coast are stranded in snow on the Long Island Expressway in February, we're playing volleyball in the park. But all is not as it seems....

Beneath the sunny exterior lies an inevitable storm, the likes of which the world has never seen. No snow, no hail, no wind...just shaking. Lots and lots of shaking. For years, scientists and cat ladies pushing shopping carts have warned us that "The Big One" is coming. According to a poll given to third graders in Encino, we're overdue for a massive earthquake that will destroy us all. Fires will erupt, dams will break. Hopefully those two will happen in unison, causing the water to put out the fires. Unfortunately it rarely seems to work that way - as an experienced Sim City player I can say this with much confidence.

So I say this to those living in regions with horrible weather - appreciate your snow storms, your tornados, your thunder showers. Most of these things can be predicted by experts. They look at weather patterns, they see what's coming, and they prepare you. Our "experts" stare at rock samples and go "I think it's gonna move soon...." They've been saying it for thirty years. Now they may be crazy, but they may be right. It's like you've been blowing up the same balloon for the last thirty years, and even the third grader next to you has enough brains to say "it's gonna explode." He may only be in third grade, but he knows wassup.

We have no idea when this thing is coming, but as soon as it does, trust that Andrew and JJ will be there, on the scene, giving you all of the gruesome details. Unless we too have been attacked by a falling roof or an entertainment center. Just to be safe, I sleep with an extra can of cat food at my bedside every night. When Armageddon hits, I don't want Hobbes to go hungry.