The Big Dig

Okay, so Tuesday is my day to blog. I have Tuesdays, J.J. disappoints you on Thursdays, and that's the schedule. Well, I haven't blogged the last couple of weeks. While J.J. is aware of his shortcomings in the writing department (be gentle with him, he's a special little boy,) he's doing the job, and I haven't been, and that's even more disappointing to you, the loyal follower. It's like, you LOVE watching Friends and you look forward to it each week. You're not a big fan of Full House, but you watch it because it's on. Then one day, Friends isn't there, and while Full House is always a disappointment due to the constant canned laughter after every stupid thing Michelle Tanner says, you appreciate the fact that it's still airing new episodes while Friends has fallen off the map. I realize this scenario makes no sense, considering the fact that both Friends and Full House were shot on Stage 24 on the Warner Bros. lot in Burbank, so of course they weren't airing new episodes at the same time. That's a fact, by the way. Take the Warner Bros. backlot tour sometime. They'll vouch for me. Anyway, I have an excuse. Settle down, Uncle Jessie.

I've been Spring Cleaning. I capitalize it because I consider it a holiday, like Christmas or Clam Chowder Day (February 21st.) It never occurs to me how much stuff I accumulate until one day I'm looking for a place to store an extra paper clip and I realize I have NO MORE ROOM. Then, out come the garbage cans and I belt myself in to prepare for a wild trip down Memory Lane. I capitalize it because it's the name of a registered business in Standish, Maine.

Going through the various items of garbage I've built up over the years, I am reminded of events in my life...the time I dumped an entire package of Hostess doughnuts into the school drinking fountain in 7th grade before being spotted by a loud-mouthed little girl...the weird kid in Boy Scouts who now resides in a mental institution in Utah for doing unspeakable things to a frog...the year I didn't get the drum set I wanted for my birthday...and the list goes on. It's like walking through a museum of my life, complete with artifacts I can touch and am permitted to break in half and throw away if I choose to do so. Beat that, Smithsonian.

I have this pack rat thing (I also have a rat pack thing but that's because I am often mistaken for Sammy Davis Jr.) where I keep stuff because I think I'll have a use for it one day. In a box in Seattle, I have a half-eaten bagel that was featured in my high school senior film because I am DETERMINED that one day Planet Hollywood is going to come asking for it. Going through boxes yesterday, I discovered a portable CD player I bought in 1996 for $200 because it featured "Super G-Shock Proof Resistance Technology," meaning you could TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN and it still wouldn't skip. I accidentally microwaved my iPod in a cup of soup last week and it still works fine, so what do I need a CD player for? I found a book from a college English class that I never bothered to read while I was in the class, but I wanted to "do the right thing" and read it eventually, even though I successfully failed the class six years ago. All of these useless items are headed to charity tomorrow. Well, except for the bagel in Seattle, which I am determined is somehow the cause of my dad's severe asthma.

I took about ten loads to the garbage can and now have two truck loads of stuff to haul to Goodwill. While I will shed a tear or two as I bid farewell to the pair of two-dollar headphones I once acquired on an ill-fated flight to Minneapolis (ill-fated due to the fact that I ended up in Minneapolis) I have come to the realization the Spring Cleaning is more than just a cleansing of the home - it is a cleaning of the soul. And sometimes the garage and the closet under the stairs. If you're feeling stifled or in need of a little refreshment, open up the closets, pull out the drawers, clear your schedule and discard all of your precious memories. You'll feel amazing.